Friday, September 28, 2007

Confessions of a TV Geek Girl

Or… What I did on my Summer Vacation


Hello Gentle Viewers. How was your summer? Did you go on any trips? Didja get a sunburn? See the Grand Canyon? No? You were in front of your TV like I was all summer? Awesome!

I have to admit, I made some changes this summer. I moved 199 miles Northwest of Sacramento. I switched from a Comcast DVR to a Direct TV DVR. I made the switch from dialup to cable Internet. I changed the address of my TV blog. And I watched way less Television than I intended to.

Yes, you heard it right. I watched decidedly less TV. Instead, I read, picked herbs, planted trees, walked along the ocean. Spent quality time with my dog. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t be watching and writing about this fall’s new season. No Siree! It also doesn’t mean that I didn’t watch SOMETHING this year. Indeed, I did watch television… just not QUALITY television.

While I was supposed to be catching up on seasons of Weeds and Entrouage and catching new episodes of No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain, I was actually watching VH1’s unforgivably self-indulgent reality swill, Rock of Love and Scott Baio is 45… and Single. Add in daily viewings of the delightfully dramatic General Hospital and you’ve got a pretty good idea of what my Indian Summer Scrapbook looks like.

In the past, I was a watcher of ABC’s The Batchelor and while I loved the first few seasons, I tired of relationships that, with the exception of very few, ended shortly after the season finale. And while I’ve avoided celebrity dating train wreck television like Flavor of Love, Rock of Love with Poison’s Bret Michaels was one train wreck that I just couldn’t pass up!

Having been a rocker chick in the 80’s, the chance to see who the producers on Rock of Love would find as suitable suitors for Butt Rocker Brett in 2007 was just impossible to pass up. Also, as an adult with juvenile diabetes, I was also curious to see how my fellow type I diabetic was doing in controlling his disease.

On the latter, I found that Bret rarely pays on-air attention to his diabetes. He drinks a lot and complains of a broken liver after one night of particularly hard partying. There is one scene where Bret is heard asking his bodyguard to bring him his insulin which, as a diabetic person who always has her insulin on hand, was quite shocking to hear. After seeing all of this, it would appear to me that Bret treats his disease as an afterthought. One that could mean deadly circumstances for our oft tired and puffy looking star. Bret, I know you’re sensitive to what people say about you. I don’t want to be mad at me so let me tell you that I’m not saying that you don’t take good care of yourself. But, I am wondering, since I’m sure you’ve got good doctors being a rock star and all, why they don’t have you on an insulin pump or why they haven’t gotten you into a trial to get you an islet transplant? I’m sure that beyond those black and red painted bedroom doors of yours that you’re checking your blood sugars regularly and taking your ace inhibitors like a good diabetic.

As far as what types of women they found to compete for Bret’s affections, man oh man was I shocked! I had no idea that women were still living the late 80’s era butt rocker lifestyle! No idea whatsoever! Here were women in spandex and tight leather, boob jobs and teased hair, bolero jackets, shoulder pads and poorly shapen cowboy hats. I got it when I found out that several of them were strippers but what about the others? Were they Poison fans? Many of these women were younger than I which would have made them fans of the band when they were in grammar school. My question is though, why did they not grow out of this fandom? I sure did. Well, I was never a fan of Poison. Yes, I did see the band many, many times in the 80’s but only because they seemed to always be the opening act for the bands that I actually wanted to see. But I grew out of my butt rocker stage in 1990 when grunge hit and like the rest of America, I moved onward and upward. But I digress, what of these women? What were their stories?

Most were forgettable. Bubble headed, big breasted blondes and quiet, doe-eyed brunette’s were the ones who went first then there were the ones that stayed around a little longer: The crazy ones!

Bret seems to like that though. He had an instant bond with the wacky (if not wacko) Rodeo, a single mom from Texas who had the body of a professional body builder and the laugh of a cartoon woodpecker. Her few meltdowns about living in the house weren’t enough to get her kicked out of the house though. Her time came when she insisted upon putting some cheesy line about her kid and Bret’s kids in a song she had to write for one of Bret’s silly challenges.

Then there was the Peta pinup girl Lacy. This girl was six beers short of a six-pack. She felt it was her responsibility target girls that she didn’t think were right for Bret and proceeded to mentally abuse them until they had a breakdown so Bret would feel like he to get rid of them for their own good. This was enough for me to think she was a nutter, but the footage VH1 showed on the clips show last week was just villainous.

She was trying to push the remaining girls’ buttons by taking off her clothes and parading in front of them with slogans written on her like, “I’d rather go naked than wear fur.” She got a little too up close and person, pushing right up into their faces, so one of the girls, Brandy, who was eating a piece of chicken at the time, threw the bone at Lacy as she ran back into the house. As retaliation Lacy then got a raw chicken out of the kitchen and went around to each girl’s bed and savagely ripped apart the chicken, leaving pieces of it in their sheets and even inside their pillowcases.

As a vegetarian, I personally don’t have a problem with people who eat meat. They respect it, and use it for the purpose of which it was killed, eating. But Lacy, with no respect for the animal who gave its life to become food, blatantly ripped the bird apart with zeal. She wasted a piece of meat that could have fed a whole family or even one person for days. She gave all vegetarians and animal lovers a bad name. Shame on you Lacy!!! SHAME!!!

But Lacy is gone. Thanks to her whacked out behavior, her lying and her father’s threat of a pre-nup, Bret gave her the boot. So now he is down to the adorable Jess, who despite that she is on this TV show, seems like she’s got a good head on her shoulders and Heather, the stripper. And if that isn’t enough, she got Bret’s name tattooed on her neck during one of their ‘dates.’ What happens if she loses? What would be a good cover over Bret? Breast? Brit?

We’ll find out this Sunday whom he chooses. And if he is smart it will be Jess. But then again, this is reality TV, is there such a thing as smart?

I’m going to skip talking about the brilliant little show, Scott Baio is 45… and single until Season II starts up. I’ll just say that it’s a reality gem and those don’t come along too often!

What I watched during premiere week:
America’s Next Top Model
Gossip Girl
Bones
Reaper
Ugly Betty
Grey’s Anatomy
Ghost Hunters
Survivor

What I Tivo’d during premiere week:
Heroes
Private Practice
Moonlight
K-Ville
The War

So far, I’m super excited about Gossip Girl and Reaper. I’m pissed that my Tivo ate ANTM this week but they replay it on Sunday, so I’m cool.